my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
