Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
