so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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