o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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