heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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