I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize