can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
