Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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