You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
