The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
