Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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