I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
