If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
