Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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