So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just pee around me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
