nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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