he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You need a sexual gate keeper
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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