I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
