Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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