just come out here and I will go home with you...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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