I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Your dad touched me again.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
