; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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