Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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