I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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