Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
