the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
