Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.

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(770): View more from Georgia

I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way

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(407): View more from Florida

He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards

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(859): View more from Kentucky

So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.

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(440): View more from Ohio

I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal

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(352): View more from Florida

So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?

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