Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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