Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
do nipples grow back?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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