I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
