atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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