The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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