My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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