this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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