9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
