he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
