My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
