you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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