His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
