We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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