I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
