It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
