I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
