UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
