I will die if light touches me.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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