tell your sister to shave her snatch
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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