I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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