How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
