Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
