I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Define "chronic" masturbator.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
