Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize