Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
