just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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