I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
