Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
