her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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