She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
