People in love make me want to vomit
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
