Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
