I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
