you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
