it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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