Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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