Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
