1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
