new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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