Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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